The subtle art of saying “NO”

Saksham is a hardworking employee, his work is flawless, his colleagues always look out for him when in need. This weekend, he has to submit three presentations, while he is still stuck at his second presentation, one of his colleagues asks him for help. Saksham’s work is now on hold and he knows he will have to burn the midnight oil to meet the deadlines. He feels guilty for saying “YES” rather than saying “NO”.

Manik is a happy go lucky guy, he has a good job, good friends and a nice girlfriend. His girlfriend often asks him to pick and drop him from one place to another. Manik faces the problem of saying “YES” and hence, loses a lot of me-time or time with his friends because he feels he might hurt her.

Now, just imagine the kind of crisis humans are dealing with that someone had to pen down a book to tell how to say “NO”.

I won’t lie, I was suffering from the problem of saying “YES”, myself. And in all these years of working on myself, I can tell that saying “NO” ain’t a crime.

Some of the reasons why we suffer from this problem are:

• Lack of self-confidence/ you don’t know what you are looking for
• Fear of missing out
• You want people to like you
• You feel guilty for saying “NO” or you don’t want to hurt feelings of the other person

The number of times you say “YES” rather than “NO” you are:

• Overtaxing yourself
• Overtaxing your work
• Making your relationship suffer

The ultimate benefit of saying “YES” would turn to ZERO

So, here are some quick tips which helped me in overcoming my fear of saying “NO”:

• Know yourself: The more you try and understand yourself the easier it will become to say “NO” to things you don’t want to do. Assessing the guilt and disappoint that you might put yourself through by saying “YES” would become easy.
• Being influenced by the wrong and right of the others: The idea of being accepted by the world is flawed. You are not here to be part of a group, your survival rate depends on the boat you are sailing in, the day it sinks, you are dead. Its as simple as, just because everybody around you is smoking, doesn’t mean you have to smoke too.
• Your “NO” won’t close the door for your future opportunities: “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything” – Warren Buffett
• Avoid explaining: The decision is yours, the time you start explaining yourself you give the other person the power to make you feel guilty. The best you can do is come up with an alternate solution.
• You can change your mind: Don’t live in the pressure of saying “YES” or “NO”. When you tend to make a sandwich about your situation, ask for a day, think through and then answer. Remember, a decision taken in haste is always a wrong decision

Learning to say no has been one of the best things I have done for myself. I feel empowered.

I don’t feel guilty, disappointed or resentful.

The only way you can live a life where you feel empowered is :

• Find yourself
• Accept yourself
• Challenge yourself
• Be in charge of your decisions

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough “